The Final Countdown Freak Out. 2Days to Surgery.

I’ve been trucking along following my pre-op protein shake diet, today I start my clear liquid fast and now I’m freaking out.    Maybe I’ve looked at too many photos  and videos of people complaining about it their post surgery loose skin.  Here’s and example:

I ended up spending most of last night half naked in front of a mirror squishing and contorting my body trying estimate my results.  I am aware that after a year at a stable weight  you can apply for plastic surgery and have some of it fixed but there are long wait lists

Thing is, I’ve always felt super sexy, even at my largest and I worry I won’t want to even get naked a year from now.  I’ve been incredibly bless to have found an super supportive loving guy about 1.5 years ago.  I love that he fell in love with me like this.  At 38, I’ve had a series of poor long term relationships where I wasn’t treated very well most likely because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  C is different, he’s genuine and kind, he truly listens and cares.

Processed with Snapseed.
C and I in Jamaica Jan 2017.  He needs to maintain his privacy because he is employed as a social worker.

He has tried to reassure me not to worry about that stuff but I can’t help but wonder if deflated boobs and saggy tummy and butt don’t do it for him.  He’s incredibly attractive and I think I’m the only bigger girl he’s ever been with.  My mind knows I can trust that he will stick by me but is it ever messing with my mind.   Is this something you struggle with?

Decided that self care was the answer and went to visit my friend Jenn who is a doula/massage therapist/yogi.  If you have ever thought that yoga isn’t for big bodies Jenn and the Peaceful Path will help you find your way.   We had a lovely chat, cry and followed it up with a massage.

img_4048.png Photo by C. Peesker

Followed by a scenic relaxing visit with my friend I. On the pier.


  1. You are a warrior! I am proud of my gastric bypass & skin surgery! Also wanted to thank you because my sister & I have been wondering what happened to our ‘Jenn’ and now we know. Can’t wait to do her yoga again! Keep going girl!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s